Polyamory-Affirmative Psychotherapy: Understanding and Supporting Polyamorous Clients

In the realm of psychotherapy, it's essential to approach each client with an open mind, free from judgments, opinions, and moral beliefs about gender, sexuality, and relationship styles. Polyamory, a relationship style that involves having multiple consensual romantic or sexual relationships, is often misunderstood and stigmatized. However, there is nothing inherently wrong with polyamory. The problem lies in societal expectations of monogamy and the treatment of polyamorous relationships.

Polyamory is not merely a matter of sexual behavior or preference; it is a valid and fulfilling way of experiencing relationships. To better support polyamorous clients, clinicians must educate themselves on the unique challenges and experiences faced by this community. Here are some key concepts and ideas to guide therapists in building stronger therapeutic relationships with polyamorous clients.

The Prevalence of Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM)

Research indicates that 4-5% of the population engages in Ethical non-monogamous (ENM) relationships, which include a range of practices such as open relationships, swinging, and being "monogamish." Among these, polyamory stands out, with an estimated 1.2-9.8 million people in the United States identifying as polyamorous (Sheff, 2014). Despite these numbers, many individuals may still be closeted due to societal stigma and fear of discrimination.

The Challenge of Mononormativity

Mononormativity, or the belief that monogamy is the default and ideal relationship structure, contributes to the marginalization of polyamorous individuals. This belief perpetuates the idea that all extradyadic sex is infidelity (Anapol, 2010) and that exclusivity is a sign of commitment (Owen et al., 2014). The language used around relationships often centers on coupledom, further alienating those who practice non-monogamy (Ritchie & Barker, 2006).

Unique Stressors and Minority Stress

Polyamorous clients face unique stressors that are not experienced by non-stigmatized populations. These stressors are chronic and socially based, arising from social processes, institutions, and structures (Meyer, 2003). Stigma, expectations of rejection, discrimination, and the internalization of negative societal beliefs can all contribute to the stress experienced by polyamorous individuals (Friedman, Stankowski, & Sajatovic, 2009; Meyer, 2015).

Clients may struggle with internalized marginalization, institutionalized marginalization, and the challenge of disclosing their relationship style (Henrich & Trawinski, 2016). The concealment or management of a stigmatized identity adds another layer of stress (Meyer, 2015). In addition to these external stressors, polyamorous clients may also face primary presenting problems, such as anxiety or depression. Research indicates that minority stress in polyamorous clients is related to increased distress, including higher levels of reported anxiety and depression (Witherspoon & Theodore, 2021).

Navigating Individual and Relational Stressors

Therapists must be aware of the individual-level and relational-level stressors faced by polyamorous clients (LeBlanc, Frost, & Wight, 2015). These can include discrepancies in comfort levels when "coming out" to family and social circles (Kolmes & Witherspoon, 2017). Clinicians can play a vital role in helping clients navigate these challenges, providing a safe and affirming space for them to explore their identities and relationships.

Conclusion

Polyamory-affirmative psychotherapy requires a deep understanding of the unique experiences and challenges faced by polyamorous clients. By setting aside personal biases and embracing a non-judgmental approach, therapists can support polyamorous individuals in navigating their relationships and mental health. This inclusive and affirming approach can lead to more meaningful therapeutic relationships and better outcomes for clients.